My healing journey

Recently as I lay on my couch at 3 AM dealing with pain from some emotional trauma. I realized that my finding joy is tied to a healing journey that I have already experienced. So my blog is going to share that process so that I might find joy.

However, I struggled with where I should begin telling that story. The obvious answer would be when the trauma occurred. I’ve spent a lifetime not really sharing that.

One of the reasons you may think that is the case would be shame. Embarrassed that this thing happened to me even though I did not ask for it. But for me that wasn’t the case, I didn’t want to share because I didn’t want people – people who knew me especially – to have their opinion of me change. I never wanted my trauma to define me.

Now I am so far past that emotionally and mentally it would be difficult to even see myself as that person.

I was sexually abused as a child. I was between the ages of 7 and 8. While I never wanted to be defined as the victim of that abuse, it has colored just about every aspect of my life. Much of the journey that I am going to share with you is about that coloring.

I also want to share that my journey has come full circle. I lived my young life, was abused, lived life afterward, got therapy, worked on my journey, healed, and finally found the blessing in having been abused. That is what I mean by a full circle. It took a long time – almost 40 years. It doesn’t have to take that long.

Now having said that I want to emphasize that this is not the journey I recommend to go from one person to a stronger person. But it happened and this is what I did.

What does that mean for you? Hope.

I am not some extraordinary person with all these skills and talents that helped me overcome. I am an ordinary, plain jane person, so plain that many overlook me.

But I had this experience that traumatized me and I have recovered. So can you.

I can still learn from all this. I then apply the lesson to my life. In fact just this week I had an A-HA moment that is going to be a future blog post. The cool thing is that now it is an A-HA moment not some release from pain.

So my journey story begins as the trauma heals I open myself to feel the joy around me.

Life isn’t totally devoid of happiness but the peace and comfort one feels with lasting happiness is what joy means to me. Trauma pain interrupts that ability to last. So as my journey moves from pain and I heal the pain is replaced with lasting joy. This is the connection I wish to share with my healing journey that leads me to find joy.

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